Does Jesus Love Me?

Despite a life long indifference to Jesus, "Saved" gave me about five seconds of pause. Does Jesus love me? And better question, does it matter?

"Saved" alternates between gently and harshly mocking the world of born-again Christians in Baltimore, MD. Filled with some excellent performances from unexpected places and more than a few deviously funny moments, "Saved" is a nice antidote to the current cinematic fare. Troy is some mindless entertainment and Harry Potter 3 was an improvement on the summer, but "Saved" goes a bit further and actually manages to amuse with a message.

Without being too preachy, "Saved" discusses what happens when your faith, something you've held onto your entire life, is suddenly and undeniably called into question. In an effort to prevent her boyfriend from turning gay, Mary (Jena Malone) imagines that Jesus tells her to do whatever is neccesary to accomplish this goal. This of course translates into hasty and unprotected sex. Needless to say the boyfriend is still gay and Mary is left with 9 months to figure out how to explain this to her mother, her school, and her friends.

Before this Mary was part of the Christian Jewels, or as she calls it "a girl gang for Jesus". The vicious head of this group is fiercely portrayed by Mandy Moore, of former pop-singing fame. She is slowly building a nice little resume of parts, Hillary Faye being her best thus far. Hillary Faye's religious fervor seems manic at times and she uses her "love for Christ" as a protective shield, allowing her the freedom to treat other people like garbage. She is especially manipulative with her brother Roland, Macaulay Culkin proving that he can do more than scream with his hands on his face. He is confined to a wheelchair and views his sister's charity as bordering on sadism. Eventually he hooks up with the school's token Jew, Cassandra (played by Susan Sarandon's daughter). Quite obviously Cassandra is the school outcast. She begins to talk in tongues at a school prayer meeting, but she's actually saying some very nasty things. She meanders around campus smoking, drinking, and cursing, and generally being the Anti-Christian Jewel.

Once Hillary Faye finds out about Mary's pregnancy, she takes it upon herself to save Mary's soul and keep her from dating the Pastor's cute, skateboarding son, Patrick. Patrick (Patrick Fugit) is as he say "totally adorable" though his character could have had a bit more fleshing out. As Mary and Patrick get closer, Hillary Faye's insistence on saving Mary becomes nastier and more brutal.

The plot doesn't play out with any sort of twist or massive surprise, but it still holds your interest. Each of the characters has to face their faith and it is those tiny battles of conscience that carries the film to the end. No one escapes with their belief unscathed. Oddly, it was Hillary Faye's crisis of faith that seemed most heartbreaking. After devoting her life to what she believed was God's work, she cannot fathom that her life ends up as anything other than perfect. Her reaction to this was not really a good answer to the question "What would Jesus do?"

Of course "Saved" has the requisite Christian Rock and giant plywood statue of Jesus, all serving the sarcastic viewpoint of writer/director Brian Dannelly. But beyond the giggles and outright laughter at this sometimes freaky religious society, is a honest questioning of one's relationship to God and religion with enough self-awareness not to be self-important.

So Viva Las Vegas...

This past week I went to Vegas for a few days. While it was not the first time I'd been to Sin City, it was the first time I had more than the "Swingers" experience.

What struck me most about LV was not the glittery lights, the constant clinking of the slot machines or even the people who will harass you till day's end just to get your butt into a free (and most likely painfully awful) show. It was the overwhelming fakeness of it all. The entire city is based on the fact that it's trying to be something else. You have theme hotels that run the gamut of everything from a hectic and psychotic circus to Paris, from a tropical rainforest to the canals of Venice complete with singing gondoliers. Of course strolling across the Brooklyn Bridge in front of New York, NY is nothing like the true experience and I would venture a guess that taking a walk through the Luxor's "ancient ruins" is nothing like being near the actual pyramids. But that's not to say that just cuz it's fake, it's not fun.

This trip to Vegas was quite a bit of fun actually, despite the fact that I am not a gambler. Let's face it, you're either an idiot, delusional, or a bit too optimistic for my tastes if you think you're actually going to win anything. Math and common-sense are on the other side of the see-saw and they're big kids. However, I am slightly voyeuristic and I love watching a good game. There's nothing like watching everyone around you going against the odds and hoping for a mathematical miracle and the Big Money. Thankfully the friend I went with did enjoy the gambling and his enthusiasm rubbed off. Who knew video poker could entertain for so long--even when you only break even? Nothing as semi-satisfying as hearing the quarter you put in come plinking out into the ash filled coin receptacle.

The non-gambling Vegas activities were pretty swell too. I've been a big fan of Penn and Teller for a few years, but their live show was much better than I expected. No wowing spectacle, just some nifty tricks, some terribly interesting banter, and a few comments and visuals to keep me thinking for some time afterwards. The Hilton has dedicated a good portion of its space to the Star Trek Experience, and even if you don't go on the rides, you are immersed in the Trekkie world. There's a themed restaurant (Quark's) that serves Romulan Ale, which despite all warnings failed to live up to its urine-coloring expectations and something like 8 gift shops selling everything from Kirk's uniform to Starfleet dogtags. Wandering Quark's and the adjacent area was a surly yet surprisingly picture obliging Klingon. Even the casino area was Trek themed. Nice job.

A trip to Vegas isn't complete without shelling out some serious bucks for food. We ate one very nice meal at the Bellagio, in a restaurant right on the lake. Something rather decadent about sipping wine and watching the dancing fountains. It's all semi-affordable as long as you don't order the caviar or the $95/pp tasting menu. But Vegas is all about the buffets, more food than you could shake a stick at. The goal is to eat as much as possible to feel you're getting your money's worth and not so much that you'll vomit it up 20 minutes later. A fine fine line. I must say, I'm glad the Mirage didn't offer Chinese food at the breakfast buffet like the Rio does; just strikes me as wrong to eat chicken and broccoli for breakfast.

I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the actual hotel I said at. The Venetian is the Venice wanna-be that actually does a pretty good job of making you never want to leave your room. These suites are huge! I was a big fan of the two TV's (though one never got watched), multiple seating in the sunken living room, two sinks in the bathroom, and the double door leading into the bathroom. After having stayed in some dank hotel hell-holes, this was a pleasant surprise. The room is also all about the view and a room on the 24th floor with a view of the strip is as nice as it sounds.

However, all good things must come to an end and after 3 days of faux-everything, even LA was looking a wee bit less plastic. Of course after a week back in LA, who's to say that a city that owns up to being true fantasy is all that bad?

An Added Praise for Woody

Lest my criticism of "Anything Else" be too harsh, I did want to add that Woody Allen is responsible for what I consider to be the most amazing opening sequence of any movie. I am, of course, talking about the opening to "Manhattan".

Granted, I have a soft spot in my black little heart for New York City, but how could anyone argue with the opening to "Manhattan"? We are shown amazing views of Manhattan, buildings, parks, people...all while Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue is played in the background. The city rises and sleeps to this music and it is just glorious. The final crescendos are accompanied by the sight of the Fourth of July fireworks over the East River. It is enough to make me seriously question how I ever thought I could live outside NYC.

Where is the director who brought us that?!

Harry Potter and the Wonderful Vision of Cuaron

After two serviceable movies, in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (henceforth HPPA) the Harry Potter franchise is finally given an injection of wonder by director Alfanso Cuaron. This is not to say the Chris Columbus who directed the first two movies was an incompetent, visionless boob. This third installment is merely significantly better.

The story is fairly simple: Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) finds out that Sirius Black (Gary Oldman), a most dangerous criminal and follower of Lord Voldemort's, has escaped from Azkaban, the infamous wizard's prison. When he hears that Sirius is the one responsible for the death of his parents, Harry vows revenge. Of course, as in all Harry Potter stories, not everything is as it seems and the Harry's eventual confrontation with Black yields some decent surprises.

The movie contains the usual cast of characters: Ron Weasley (Rupert Grint) and Hermione Granger (Emma Watson), Harry's stalwart friends; Professor Severus Snape (a well-used Alan Rickman), Harry's antagonistic potions professor; Professor Dumbledore (Michael Gambon having fun with Richard Harris's old role); and new the scene Professor Lupin (David Thewlis) as the mysterious yet likeable teacher of Defense Against the Dark Arts. And let us not forget Robbie Coltrane as the giant Hagrid. For a movie about children, HPPA has an incredible cast of adult actors. Daniel Radcliffe, while much better than he was in "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone" seems still to be struggling with finding the right emotional balance in Harry. Watson and Grint are, as usual, excellent supporting characters who manage quite well with their character's budding chemistry.

HPPA is, as everyone has been saying, a much darker tale than "The Sorcerer's Stone" or "Chamber of Secrets". Harry, who is starting to really grow up, is also full of intense anger. This anger is obvious from the start of the film, when Harry literally blows up his uncle's sister after she insults his parents. Whereas before he might have felt powerless against the Dursley's taunts and ridicules, magic has now empowered him. This apparently is not always a good thing.

The rest of the story plays out over an occasionally too long 2 hours and 20 minutes. What makes this Harry Potter movie stand out is not the plot but the visuals. Cuaron's other famous movies include the erotically charged "Y Tu Mama Tambien" (2001) and the more family-friendly adaptation of "A Little Princess" (1995). Both of these movies were beautiful to look at (even if you weren't particularly interested in the subject matter). HPPA is gorgeous and repeated viewings make that even more obvious. Harry's ride on Buckbeak, the Hippogriff is a thing of utter beauty. It's hard to believe it's actually all CGI.

Peppered with such scenes, HPPA is just a lot of fun. Harry's late night trip on the Knight Bus (a lovely pun on a London transportation institution) is an exciting zip through London that places the movie very obviously in our world, and makes the possibility of the wizarding community seem all the more real. Professor Lupin's class about boggarts is played out against some wonderful swing music, making a lesson about transforming one's greatest fears into something utterly ridiculous, a joy. Instead of dwelling on the Quidditch scenes, Cuaron throws us right into a game in the middle of a violent storm, giving the game a nice urgency and danger.

This is not say that the movie is perfect. It's far from it. The story lags, important information from the book is left out making the plot less rich than it should have been, and the Dementors, Azkaban guards who suck out your soul, are scary but too visually similar to the Lord of the Rings Nazgul. But these problems are not as troubling as the overall lack of spark in "Chamber of Secrets". Even the werewolf at the end of the movie is no where near as painfully fake as the bathroom ogre in "Sorcerer's Stone".

As Harry and his friends get older, the producers of these movies would do well to continue hiring directors who are adept at more adult fare. Perhaps not as adult as Cuaron's "Y Tu Mama Tambien", but a bit more sophisticated than Columbus's "Home Alone". Mike Newell ("Four Weddings and a Funeral" and "Mona Lisa Smile") is taking the helm of the next movie, "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". As long as Julia Roberts is no where near the set, everything should be fine.

Hey Amazon -- Huh??

Everyday I check my magical Gold Box of offers from Amazon, hoping that one day something I'm dying for will be almost free. This is a dangerous activity as it prompted me to buy all of Fawlty Towers on DVD. But I always feel it's worth checking.

However, I don't get why they insist on showing me certain "deals". I understand showing me DVD and book specials, since I tend to order that sort of thing. I've even purchased electronics so I understand the occasional electronic device they show me. But what's going on with the jewelry and tools? First of all they would seem to cancel each other out. Second, I have never shown any interest in either. This isn't to say that I would love some diamonds or a great table saw, but not from Amazon.

But man, that juicer for $199.95 sure is looking good right about now...

To Woody Allen: A Plea

I have been a huge fan of Woody Allen's movies. Hannah and Her Sisters, Sweet and Lowdown, Crimes and Misdemeanors, Annie Hall... these are all movies that should make anyone's top 100 list. His hilarious spoof on Russian literature, Love and Death, is easily one of the funniest movies I have ever seen. I love the old Woody Allen.

The new Woody, however, is something else. After a string of truly middling fare, last year Mr. Allen released Anything Else, a trying comedy starring Jason Biggs (as the character Woody himself used to play), Christina Ricci (as the high maintenance yet supposedly adorable girlfriend), and Woody Allen (as the older confident who is without a doubt a loon). On paper it seems like a cute idea: Jerry Falk (Biggs) is having problems with his girlfriend Amanda (Ricci). He consults with fellow writer and paranoid(Dobel), and we see the relationships play out. On paper it's one thing, but on the screen it was something else.

The biggest problem wasn't the writing or the characters per se. It was that Christina Ricci was totally incapable of making us understand why so many men fell so quickly for her. The line of "well let's just assume she had something to her" doesn't work. I found her character annoying, grating, and above all overtly selfish and nasty. She was a bitch. I had a hard time believing anyone would waste more than a week on her. Biggs's character was obviously a shmuch in all areas of his life, keeping on a manager who did him more harm than good for example, but even this was too much to believe.

This is all a far cry from Diane Keaton's Annie Hall, who was ditzy and funny and neurotic, but you couldn't help but love her. Which is sort of the way I felt about Woody; he was a total neurotic mess, but you couldn't help but love him. Now, when confronted with the prospect of him releasing a new film, I just groan, "Give me anything else!" So, Woody, babe, sweetheart, please stop while you're still slightly ahead and don't taint our memories of you any further!

(My apologies for that terrible pun)

Supersize Me? Supersize You.

There's not much I can say about Morgan Spurlock's 30 day journey to expose McDonald's as the purveyors of food that will kill you that hasn't already been said.

"Supersize Me" was an enjoyable movie. Who wouldn't enjoy watching a man in perfect health willfully destroy his physical and emotional state--just for a movie? However, let us not forget it is a documentary and subject to the whims and subjectivity of the director.

Over the 30 days, Spurlock consumes numerous fries, shakes, soda, burgers, and even the occasional fish filet sandwich. He did little to no physical activity, since he was trying to emulate the average American. He ended up gaining 27 or so pounds and turning his liver into fat.

Now the biggest issue I had with the movie was not that McDonald's was so bad for me. The biggest issue was that the movie totally ignored the concept of personal responsibility. It gave a nod to it, but seemed hellbent on blaming the purveyor instead of the consumer. I feel a better answer to this would be to wonder why there isn't a healthy alternative-one that is tasty, affordable but not artery clogging. We have no right to tell McD's they can't sell food that, consumed in mass quantities is dangerous. People should just know better than to go there five times a week.

Some Thoughts About Cape May

Over this past Memorial Day Weekend, I went down to Cape May, NJ. It is a little beach town full of beautiful Victorian homes and charming little bed and breakfasts. This was my fourth time there. Yes, I like it that much.

The drive down wasn't too bad, considering it was the Friday before Memorial Day. The highlight was definitely the two teenagers who got out of their car and pulled down their pants to run alongside the car as it inched forwad in traffic. I fear for this country's youth.

We stayed at the Queen Victoria Inn, which was rather nice. They stuffed you every morning at breakfast and even provided turn down service, complete with chocolate every night. Very snazzy. The room was beautiful, full of little touches like Prince Albert in a can and such. Oddly, they put a flower in the toilet on the first day.

Over the next three days, I basically would wander around the various quaint shops, spending ridiculous sums of money on things I was convinced I couldn't live without (a gorgeous but useless crystal choker, for example), biked around for a few hours a day, sat on the beach to read, and generally acted like a bum.

It was sunny two out of three days; Sunday was overcast. Water that had the previous day been a deep deep blue, was now a greyish-green that I have only seen in the Atlantic. Despite lack of direct sunlight, I prefer those overcast days. Then again I have a bizarre interest in the whaling industry of the 1700 and 1800's, so who am I to judge?

Twice we went out to eat some truly excellent food. The first place was the Pelican Club, which is on the top floor of the tallest hotel in Cape May (6 stories!). Something very cool about eating while watching the sun go down on the horizon. The last night there we went to the Merion Inn, which used to be a gentleman's club, but they now serve women as well. Drank some very excellent wine, but for the life of me I can't remember what.

Part of me thinks that I could really live in a place like that: quiet, by the ocean, really good restaurants. Then I think about all that "city" life has to offer and I think after a month or so of those quiet beach town nights, I'd get antsy and need to hear some major siren action. Still, it is nice to dream...

"Boy, this school really sucked the life out of these kids"

That is what my brother Fudge had to say after attending our youngest brother, Jonah's, graduation from 8th grade. Everyone in my family has graduated from this yeshiva, staring with me in 1989. 17 years my family has been in the school and as of last night we were finally released.

The graduation was a truly somber affair, no matter how many brightly colored balloons they threw into the gym. As the graduates got on the stage, they had to read a blurb about what in the Torah inspired them. They all sounded like little robots. However, my brother was smart: he paid a kid with a can of soda to write the blurb for him. Apparently what inspires my brother is laziness.

All the valedictory speeches sounded like the parents had taken down all their books and written whatever they thought sounded important and erudite. Mostly it sounded like "blah blah blah" to me. Problem was that these speeches were being read by 13 year olds who have about as much understanding of the material as their parents did, which is to say not much. It was like sitting and listening to the Stepford children.

Of course my brother was totally bored throughout the entire proceeding. He fidgeted, rolled his eyes, and slouched in his seat.

I have never been more proud.

MPAA'S Rating Confusion

At the end of the NY Times review of "The Day After Tomorrow", a disaster movie that is said to be a lovely disaster in and of itself, this is the summary about the movie's rating and questionable material:

"The Day After Tomorrow" is rated Pg-13. Millions of people die, but nobody swears, copulates, undresses or takes drugs.

Um....Ok. So millions of people dying is fine as long as none of them have last minute sex. Aha.

I think that South Park creators Matt Stone and Trey Parker summed this up nicely in a line uttered by Kyle's Mom, "Remember what the MPAA says: Horrific, Deplorable violence is okay, as long as people don't say any naughty words!"

Some Decent Pieces of April

Through the marvels of Netflix I have been catching up on some smaller movies that I meant to see but never got around to while they were in the theaters. "The Triplets of Belleville" is one, which I highly recommend even if you aren't a cartoon fan. Another was "Pieces of April" starring Katie Holmes of Dawson's Creek fame. Thankfully, her character in the movie was miles away from Joey Potter.

The story is the typical Thanksgiving-family-disaster, with the family coming over and the dinner not yet prepared. April and her family have the epitome of the love/hate relationship, sans most of the love. But her mother is dying of cancer and she wants to make Thanksgiving dinner for the year that may be her mother's last. There are the usual cooking hijinks, since April has never cooked before. When she discovers her stove doesn't work, it leads her on a search for a neighbor's oven, leading to amusing and sometimes touching results.

The majority of the movie is told in two parts: the April cooking part and the family on their way, but not really wanting to go part. This division allows for us to make up our minds about the characters since they spend little time being explosively reactive to each other. Patricia Clarkson as the mother and Oliver Platt as the father were particularly good. And the two other children were very lighthanded in their portrayals of kids who are at the breaking point regarding their mother's illness. Joey Potter does a nice job as a young woman secretly desperate for her family's approval, but trying to protect herself against their inevitable scorn.

This wasn't a brilliant movie or even a great one. But it was a good watch and gave me a warm fuzzy feeling at the end.