It's the Most Craptacular Time of the Year

We're now in the post-Oscar/pre-Summer daze, the time of the year when studio executives look at the films gathering dust on their shelves and say "Man, I gotta get this crap out of here!"
Yes, it is January/February/March - the months when the cineplexes are stuffed full of garbage that the studio should have never funded in the first place. The time of year when people are so starved to see something, anything that they made Kangaroo Jack number one at the box office a few years ago (and then complained because the kangaroo didn't talk enough!). Just look at this week's top three movies: Madea's Family Reunion (it's like the sequel to Big Momma's House 2), Eight Below (another Snow Dogs but without Cuba Gooding Jr. to make an ass out of himself), and the Pink Panther (which much to my shame, I saw and god was it embarrassing).
Not a single one of these movies deserves to have the phrase "Number 1 a the Box office!" attached to it's ads. And in the coming weeks, there's precious little to look forward to.
These doldrums of late winter are the dumping grounds for the studios and you'll find all the poorly made horror films, tactless comedies, unromantic romantic comedies, and over the top dramas that you could ever want.
Last weekend, the movie "Freedomland" with Samuel L. Jackson and Julianne Moore came out and you'd think that with these two fine actors the movie would be worthwhile. However, one does need to question why the studio waited so long to release it. Most critics and most moviegoers have trashed this film, saying that Moore and Jackson have given some of the worst performances of their careers. I don't begrudge the actors the need for taking work. Neither of them is at the top of their earning bracket (though I'm sure they do just fine) and when a movie that seems good comes along, I understand why they'd take it. But the movie appears to have been just one gigantic crapfest of melodrama and obvious racial stereotypes and money or no money, this movie probably should not have been made.
If this coming summer is anything like the summer of 2005, we are in real trouble. I'm crossing my fingers that all the blockbusters will be entertaining and the few quality movies that get released before Fall will actually be quality.
The movie industry put out some fine films in 2005, but they have a lot to answer for (Fantastic Four, anyone?) and so far, 2006 ain't doing it for me.

You Gotta Have Friendship

At the wedding I attended in NY, I became reacquainted with a number of people I had been friendly with earlier in my life. Mostly people I knew from my year in Israel between high school and college. Former roommates, former dormmates, essentially former friends.

And I honestly reconnected with a couple of them.

At times when you aren't sure of where you're going or who you are trying to be, it can be eye-opening to meet up with someone who knew you 12 years ago and has a very clear idea of who you were.
It's so easy to forget who we've been and that can help figure out who we're going to be.

At least that's how it's been feeling with this one friend in particular.
She was one of my roommates in Israel and whereas I'm fairly loud and boisterous, she was quieter and far less attention grabbing. Yet, we clicked. Of course I went to college in NY and she went to Michigan and we essentially lost touch.
But we bonded again immediately at the wedding and have been in contact since.

I suppose it's just nice when people end up not being such total shits - it can surprise you.

It's Me and the Pilgrims Now

Overall the rest of the NY trip went well. My friend's wedding was insanely over the top - but gorgeous. My big joke is that their flower arrangements would pay off my student loans.
Luckily, they also had A LOT of booze and I enjoyed myself. Enjoyed myself six glasses of wine and 4 vodka tonics.
And yes, I was pretty darned tooting drunk afterwards, passed out in my dress and awoke with a raging hangover.

And the next night I accompanied my sister to a vegetarian/vegan restaurant for dinner. God bless my sister - she actually thought the food was tasty. I thought it tasted like dirt and soy sauce.

Anyway, now I'm packing up for my big move to Boston. Well, freaking out and packing. There's something about putting your life into a bunch of tiny boxes that just shakes you to the core. I have packed books I've had since I was a child, books I had to read in college, and books I picked up on a whim from a sidewalk vendor. I went through papers and found letters from men who used to matter to me and pictures of friends I haven't spoken to since the new millenium.

I've sent out the "new contact info" to all my friends and family - though in the age of email, who really needs your physical address anymore except to send you bills.

While I know that this is the right move on many many levels, I can't help but second guess myself (mostly because that is where my real talent lies). Is this really the right time/place to move? Do I have any clue what I am getting myself into? Am I running towards something new or running away from something that I just can't deal with anymore? When is the next time I'll see family? How will I make new friends? Will I ever meet a guy who isn't a totally self-absorbed, emotionally distant asshole? Can I make it work in a new city?

So I pack to quiet these questions best I can and hope that my instincts are right for a change and that Boston might really be a great place to start over.

I'm still a NY girl at heart, though, so don't expect me to start becoming a Sox fan.

I Heart NY

I'm back in the city of my dreams...New York.
Sure I'm moving to Boston, not NY, but that don't mean that NY ain't my true love.
Seriously, I love this place like a person; yes, I admit to my sickness - I just don't want to do anything about it.

Finished my last day of work yesterday (thought I owe 2 days of writing) and hopped on a plane that night. I love the red eye; someone always has to have a 9 month old with colic. Funny thing is, I finished work yesterday but somehow I got 3 calls from work today. And I had to call a client. I'd like to be egotistic and say I have the magic touch, but I think it's just the jitters over the transfer of duties.

So I'm in NY and staying with my sister at Barnard. Yes, I'm 29 and staying with my sister who's in college - but it's cheap and I'm on a budget so I figure it's not such a bad deal. The thing is that being up here is bringing back a total wave of memories from my years at Columbia.
And since my years at Columbia were almost solely tied up with one ex-boyfriend, these memories are bittersweet to say the least.

I walked down College Walk, with the trees all lit with little twinkly lights, and remembered walking the same path and having a great argument over a movie here, stealing a good night kiss over there; in this corner he peed - in fact, I could do a whole walking tour of campus where my ex relieved himself. I thought of the friends I made here and those that I lost contact with over the years. I wondered how my life would have been different had I not been an Orthodox Jew during my college years and what sort of person I might have been now. I remembered all the classes I took, the professors who were interesting, some who weren't, and a few who were just downright odd. I walked by the West End and recalled how after my last final in college, my Shakespeare professor took a few of us out for drinks; we all had beers and he downed 2 straight gins before any of us had finished our brewskis. He then went on to tell us the secrets of the English Department. And I thought about what I imagined my life would be like at this point and how I'm a million miles away from any vision of my future I held in college.

I was also walking all over my old neighborhood from where I lived after college. And of course nostalgia got me again.
All the friends I had in my 20's are married, with kids. Most of them no longer live in Manhattan, some even happily so. I wandered past the 96th 1/9 station where I had waited for so many subways; I walked around on Central Park West where I had to wait for everyone to get their ass in gear every time we'd go out; I went past the supermarkets I used to swear by and the Korean grocers who'd save my ass when I needed something at 11 pm on a Tuesday night. I passed three of my old apartments and knew that no one I'd known lived there anymore.

All in all it's been a day of memories and a wee bit hard to assimilate to be honest.
My ex is now married with 2 kids. I try to remember what he looks like, but all I have flashes of features and expressions.
The friends I had when I lived on the Upper West Side of Manhattan have scattered all over the East Coast. I haven't met most of their children, though I have flipped thru the myriad of photos sent over the internet.

It's all different and of course I'm different. I'm more cynical and more jaded, but at the same time less certain of what is actually going on with this world. I'm better traveled and more anxious to see the rest of the planet. I have just as little direction as I did in 1996, for better and for worse. And as such I'm not closer to whatever I might believe is my purpose in life, but I'm trying harder to enjoy the ride.

Over the next few days, I'll be having reunion upon reunion with friends from my year in Israel and friends from college. Despite my status as the sole single person in these festivities, I'm going to try to keep a stiff upper lip, though I can't promise anything. I will get all tarted up for this fancy shmancy wedding on Sunday and try to keep up with the insane schedule I planned for myself.

But most of all I hope to try and enjoy this city that I have missed with heart and soul for the past three years. Every short trip is just a tease. And I hope, one day, to be lucky enough and worthy, to move back here and start a whole new life with new memories to be made - and I hope I'll be just that much stronger to be able move beyond the personal history I feel every time I walk these streets.

(Sorry for the maudlin aspect of this post...being back in NY after 7 months will do that to me)