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After at least two months of talking about and talking about it, I finally got my damned hair cut today.
Because of the PCOS there was at least a year and a half when I was petrified of getting my hair cut. The fear that someone brushing it would tear out huge chunks kept me from letting anyone touch my hair. I barely touched it. I'd gently wash it in the shower, keep in in a towel till mostly dry and immediately put it into a loose ponytail. On occasion I'd cut it myself, just chopping off the end of the ponytail. If someone would run their hand through my hair, it would come out in clumps. Sometimes I wondered how I had any left on my head considering how much came out every day.
Not good times.
I had to be a bridesmaid during this period and the fear of what my hair would look like in the pictures almost kept me from taking part in my friend's wedding. Everyone else would be getting their hair professionally dried and styled, and i couldn't even brush mine. Not good times indeed.
After a few thousand dollars, my hair basically stopped falling out. Time to time there will be a month or 2 when it will start coming out and I will brush it more carefully, wash it more carefully and pray. A lot of prayer actually. And thus far it seems to be working. I don't have as much hair as I did six years ago, but I have enough that I am no longer self-conscious. I can go and get it cut by someone who knows what they're doing. In the shower I don't have to worry about needing to clear the drain several times from all the hair that has fallen out. And afterwards, I can use a brush and a blow dryer and a straightening iron...and come out looking semi-decent.
Plus I can be proud - I no longer watch shampoo commercials and cry.